Jeff Clark: The Alchemy of Marriage

 

Image: Flowers, North Garden, Virginia, September 2023

On what would be our 62nd Anniversary if…

I do reminisce about our life together, and it is more sweet than painful.  There was a marvelous providence and grace of God that matched us and managed us through all life’s adventures.  Looking back, I can see it plainly and have come to understand marriage is like the Alchemist trying to use chemistry to turn base metals into Gold.

The Alchemy of Marriage can be described as a combination of God’s providence which brings two people together. It involves the mixing in of love, grace, time, joy, trial, and commitment, thereby turning the two into one new thing which is more valuable than either of the other alone. 

Spiritually we took turns being Mary and Martha to each other. When one was cambered by much caring, the other would be Mary, encouraging a proper focus by taking the better part.  And then there were times when we were both there at the feet of Jesus.  There were also times when we were both Martha working on temporal needs of care.

How good God has been and is to me....

-Elder Jeff Clark, Christ RBC, Louisa, Virginia

Note: This week marked the 62^nd anniversary of Elder Jeff’s marriage to Barbara, who went to be with the Lord awaiting the resurrection on November 18, 2020.

The Vision (8.26.22): Have ye not read...

 

Note: Devotion taken from last Sunday's sermon on Matthew 19:1-12.

Matthew 19:4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female. 5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?

The Pharisees, attempting to entrap the Lord in controversy, asked him, “Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?” (Matt 19:3).

Notice that Christ begins his response by taking them back to Scripture (not to tradition, to experience, or to reason), when he says, “Have ye not read…” This is sola scriptura!

To be more precise, he takes them back to Genesis. It is hard to overstate the importance of Genesis, especially chapters 1-11 as a foundation for Christian theology. Christ cites two passages taken from the pre-fall creation: Genesis 1:27 (v. 4) and Genesis 2:24 (v. 5).

First, Christ alludes in v. 4 to Genesis 1:27, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.”

This is a key text for the doctrine of anthropology. It tells us that God has made human beings in two kinds: male and female. We all know the confusion that has arisen in our current culture, as various so-called “experts” have convinced many that gender is nothing but a “social construct.” An online article at healthline.com suggests there are no less than 68 supposed terms that describe gender and identity. Another source suggests 72.

All of this is rebellion against God’s good, created order, and it is nothing new. Paul described it in Romans 1 when he said that men “became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened” (v. 21).

So, Christ is simply affirming here the fundamental goodness of God’s original creation design for humanity.

Second, in v. 5 he cites Genesis 2:24. With this citation, Christ affirms the doctrine of marriage. It involves a man leaving the household of his parents to establish his own household and cleaving to his wife. We, as parents, can and should give our children guidance when they are within our household, but when they establish their own household the relationship changes.

At the end of v. 5 (citing Gen 2:24), Christ addresses the mysterious union of a man and a woman in marriage. They become one flesh. A man and a woman were literally made to fit together, both physically and spiritually.

So, Christ declares, “Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (v. 6).

This statement, often recited in the traditional Christian vows of marriage, affirms two things: (1) It affirms in general the institution of marriage as a one flesh union between one man and one woman (anything other than this is not a marriage); and (2) It affirms, in particular, the individual marriages of Christians, which are neither to be entered into lightly nor departed from frivolously.

Grace and peace, Pastor Jeff Riddle

Devotion: How to have a happy marriage and family

Image: The Clarks present the devotional and testimony

Every other year CRBC does a “Sweetheart” dinner for our winter fellowship. I just posted the audio to the devotional shared at the meeting last night (2.10.17) by Jeff and Barbara Clark on “How to have a happy marriage and family” (listen here).

The fellowship also included a variety show (songs, skits). Good time had by all. Here are some pics:

JTR 

The Vision (7.3.15): Reflections on July 4 and Marriage

If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do? (Psalm 11:5).

What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder (Matthew 19:6).

We ought to obey God rather than men (Acts 5:29).

Honour all men. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honour the king (1 Peter 2:17).

There is supposedly a Chinese blessing (or is it a curse?) which states:  “May you live in interesting times.”  These are, without doubt, interesting times (but are not all times equally so?).  As we move toward the July 4 holiday in the wake of the recent Supreme Court ruling on marriage, we have much to contemplate.

What does this mean for believers and churches who now become “conscientious objectors” to the law of the land?   One widely read response article suggested that Christians must now expect “to have to learn how to live as exiles in our own country.”  The idea of believers as “strangers and pilgrims on the earth” does have a Biblical ring to it (cf. Hebrews 11:13).  Some are already anticipating (and advocating) the revocation of tax-exemption for Biblically faithful churches (see this article).

Over twenty years ago, now, I served for two years as a missionary in Eastern Europe just after the fall of communism.  We may have much to learn in the future from believers who lived through those times.  For one thing, when believers married they held two services.  One was a secular service at the local courthouse, so that they might be married in the eyes of the state.  The other was a religious service in the church, so that they might be married in the eyes of God.

Some have suggested parallels between this Supreme Court ruling and the Roe v. Wade decision of 1973.  Though abortion became the law of the land, Christians were able to bear witness to the conscience of the nation regarding the fundamental value of human life.  Will we now have the opportunity to bear witness to the culture of the fundamental winsomeness and beauty of marriage as a one-flesh covenant union between one man and one woman that lasts a lifetime (Genesis 2:24)?

If past experience in other nations is any evidence, the changing of marriage laws will likely not increase interest in marriage, but we will probably see its secular value decline. Already, we have seen many young people choosing cohabitation and having children out of wedlock. This is the new normal for many.

“If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do?”   We can continue to be faithful to God’s word.  We can honor the king, so long as that does not compromise our consciences.  We can be witness to this generation.  Writing all the way back in 1996, New Testament scholar Richard B. Hays offered a quotation suggesting the unique challenges (and opportunities) that might come in the future for a Biblical construal of marriage, suggesting it might “become nearly as radical a choice as monasticism, a counter-cultural thing” (as cited in The Moral Vision of the New Testament, p. 374).

We need to learn to speak about Biblical marriage in a pagan culture the way the Church Father Tertullian did when he wrote in the third century (Ad Uxorem, II.8):

Beautiful the marriage of Christians, two who are one in hope, one in desire, one in the way of life they follow, one in the religion they practice.

They are both servants of the same Master.  Nothing divides them either in flesh or spirit.

They are two in one flesh, and where there is one flesh there is also one spirit.

They pray together, they worship together; instructing one another, strengthening one another.

Side by side they visit God’s church; side by side they face difficulties and persecution, share their consolations.

They have no secrets from one another; they never bring sorrows to each other’s hearts.

Unembarrassed they visit the sick and assist the needy.  They give alms without anxiety.

Psalms and hymns they sing.  Hearing and seeing this Christ rejoices.  To such as these He gives His peace.

Where there are two together, there also He is present; and where He is, there evil is not.

Grace and peace, Pastor Jeff Riddle

Three Christian Men who Remained Faithful to Unstable Wives

Image:  The "Arnolfini Portrait" (1434) by Jan van Eyck.  Among the many visual symbols in this classic portrait of a husband and his wife is the dog, a symbol of fidelity.

I recently preached on David’s keeping of his covenant to Jonathan by extending kindness to Mephibosheth in 2 Samuel 9.  In the applications, I noted that one thing this passage teaches is the importance of keeping one’s covenant commitments, whether the foundational covenant commitment to Christ, the commitment to covenant membership in a local church, or the covenant commitment to Christian marriage.

I then returned to give some specific examples of faithfulness to the covenant of marriage.  This was particularly on my mind as I had recently read the memoir of a liberal mainline theologian in which he recounted his separation, divorce, and remarriage after a difficult first marriage to a woman who suffered with mental illness.  In contrast to this man’s experience, I thought of the examples of at least three Christian men in church history who remained faithfully married to wives who suffered from mental illness:

Example 1:  The Scottish minister Thomas Boston (1676-1732) was married for thirty two years to Catherine Brown, whom one biographer described as falling “under a mysterious and racking disorder of the intellect” (Biographical Introduction, Human Nature in Its Fourfold State, p. 15).  She apparently became mentally unstable just weeks after their marriage, tried to take her life on several occasions, and spent ten years confined to her bed with apparent schizophrenia.  Nevertheless, Boston could describe his troubled wife as “a woman of great worth, whom I passionately loved, and inwardly honoured; a stately, beautiful, and comely personage, truly pious, and fearing the Lord … patient in our common tribulations, and under her personal distresses” (as quoted in Meet the Puritans, p. 657).

Example 2:  The Baptist minister Andrew Fuller (1754-1815) wrote in his diary on July 25, 1792, “O my God, my soul is cast down within me!  The affliction in my family seems too heavy for me!  O Lord, I am oppressed, undertake for me!  My thoughts are broken off, and all my prospects seem to be perished!” (Collected Works, Vol. 1, p. 59).  His lament was for his wife in particular.  While expecting a child, she began to suffer with bouts of mental distress.  Perhaps this was brought on by the hardship of having a few years earlier lost their oldest daughter to the measles at age six.    Fuller’s wife was seized with what he described as “hysterical affections” and a “deranged” mind (p. 55).  She went through some times when she was lucid but at other times she could not recognize Fuller as her husband (she called him an “imposter”) or her children and would try to escape from their home.  On August 23, 1792 she gave birth to a healthy daughter, but she died soon after the delivery.  Through it all Fuller had stood by his wife faithfully.

Example 3:  James Fraser (d. in 1769 in his 69th year of life after 44 years of ministry) was a minister in the Northern Scotland region of Ross-Shire.  His story is told in the book The Days of the Fathers in Ross-Shire (Northern Chronicle, 1927).  Fraser suffered with an unhappy marriage to a woman who likely had some form of mental or social disorder, no doubt compounded by her own sinfulness.  The account of Fraser's unfortunate marriage begins, “A cold, unfeeling, bold, unheeding worldly woman was his wife.” It continues, “Never did her godly husband sit down to a comfortable meal in his own house, and often would he have fainted for sheer want of needful sustenance but for the considerate kindness of some of his parishioners.” His friends would hide food near his home so that he would not starve to death!  On long and cold winter evenings his wife denied him a fire in his study.  "Compelled to walk in order to keep himself warm, and accustomed to do so when preparing for the pulpit, he always kept his hands before him as feelers in the dark, to warn him of his approaching the wall at either end of the room.  In this way he actually wore a hole through the plaster at each end of his accustomed beat...."

The story is also told how Fraser once went alone to a Presbytery dinner with his fellow ministers. One liberal minister suggested that they raise a toast to the health of their wives and winking at his companions he asked Fraser, “You, of course, will cordially join in drinking to this toast.” Fraser responded, “So I will and so I ought…for mine is a better wife to me than any of yours have been to you.” “How so?” they all exclaimed. “She has sent me," was the reply, “seven times a day to my knees when I would not otherwise have gone, and that is more than any of you can say of yours.”

JTR

The Vision (6/27/13): Russell Moore: Your Church and the Same Sex Marriage Decisions

Note:  The following online article was posted on June 26, 2013 to the website of the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission of the SBC.  The author is the Commission President, Dr. Russell Moore.

The Supreme Court has ruled on the much-awaited decisions on same-sex marriage. How should your church respond? The first way is by recognizing that marriage is not merely a public good, and it’s certainly not simply a “culture war” political issue. Marriage is a gospel mystery, the Scripture tells us, an icon of Christ and the church embedded in the creation (Eph 5:32). When marriage falters, the gospel is eclipsed. On the other hand, the conversation about marriage gives the church the opportunity to point to a different word, the mystery of Christ (Eph 3:4).

WHAT THE RULINGS SAY

1.  The Supreme Court ruled that the Defense of Marriage Act is unconstitutional. It was determined to deprive persons equal liberty protected by the Fifth Amendment.

2.  The Supreme Court ruling on the Defense of Marriage Act means that same-sex couples who are legally married will be entitled to equal treatment under federal law.

3.  The Supreme Court ruled that the defenders of California’s Proposition 8 did not have legal standing as private sponsors to appeal the federal decision to strike down the ballot.

4.  The Supreme Court ruling on Proposition 8 means that same-sex marriage may be allowed to resume in the state of California.

5.  These Supreme Court decisions mean that religious liberty challenges are soon to emerge in new and unprecedented ways.

 WHAT HASN’T CHANGED

1.  Jesus Christ is still alive, and ultimately will bend history toward his kingdom.

2.  God, as Creator and Judge, determines the goal of human sexuality and the boundaries of marriage. The United States government, or any human state, didn’t create marriage, and can’t redefine it. The state can only recognize, or fail to recognize, what already exists: the one-flesh union that is the foundation of the family and every human civilization.

3.  The Bible addresses all of us as sexual sinners (1 Cor 6:18). We do not stand in judgment over others, as though we were righteous and whole.

4.  Our consciences and our churches are answerable to “another king, Jesus” (Acts 17:7) when it comes to matters of sexual morality and marital accountability. The First Amendment recognizes this free exercise of religion. Your congregation cannot be forced to perform same-sex marriages, to provide premarital or marital counseling to persons whose marriages you don’t recognize as biblical, or to jettison your membership requirements.

WHAT SHOULD YOUR CHURCH DO?

1.  Teach your congregation to avoid anger, outrage, or despair. Jesus tells us marriage has existed as a male/female one-flesh union “from the beginning.” This means marriage is resilient, regardless of what cultures do to minimize it.

2.  Love your gay and lesbian neighbors. They aren’t part of an evil conspiracy. They are, like all of us apart from Christ, seeking a way that seems best to them. Be kind, and respect all persons as image-bearers of God.

3.  Preach and teach on the integrity of conjugal marriage. Don’t assume your people understand the gospel foundations of marriage. Take this opportunity to point to the formation of healthy, gospel-shaped marriage cultures within your congregation.

4.  Repent of the ways our congregational cultures have downgraded marriage. If your church hasn’t addressed divorce, cohabitation, or fornication through proclamation and discipline, now is the time to repent and rework.

5.  Make your marriage convictions clear in your confession of faith. If your church assumes a definition of marriage, your confession of faith is now irrelevant. Defend your religious liberty by making your congregational conviction clear in your statement of faith. Make your marriage convictions clear in your church by-laws. Address what repentance and gospel fidelity looks like for those seeking membership, for those in good standing with your church, and for those who wish to be married in your church building or by the officers of your church.

6.  Stop laissez-faire wedding policies. Your church building is not a public space and your church ministers aren’t justices of the peace. Make clear that you will marry, and host weddings, only for those who have accountability to the people of Christ and to the Word of God.